Courtesy - Jyo's mail
It’s a story of a Brahmin gal who loved(loving) a non-Brahmin and due to
father’s compulsion married a Brahmin guy and leading a perfect life with
little happiness!!
(Some tamil words included)
Hi folks, here's my entry to the much talked about short story contest. The
story is not short though, I apologise!
When I thought of this story, I envisaged it and almost started writing
this in Tamil but only then did I realise that my written Tamil is not upto
the mark. ( Well, am not claiming my English is excellent, but it's
relatively better than my Tamil) In fact, even after I finished writing it,
I still felt the story belongs to Tamil!! Will mail it to my aunt and get
it reincarnated in Tamil.
Pssst, the most operative name in this story, I ripped from Thevar Magan
;)It somehow signified a lot to
me!
Dearest Appa,
27th Jan'1965
Hope this letter finds you, Amma, Raji and Seenu in good health. The
weather here in New York City is icy cold. But Avar sollraar- I have
missed this winter's biting cold. I still wish I had seen the snow… But
then, I still wish I had not left Trichy at all. I do miss Trichy, Appa.
You, Amma, Raji, Seenu, pakkatthaathu Rama, Vikatan, Ucchi Pillaiyaar Koil,
filter coffee, Holy Cross College, the Physics Department and of course
Sakthi. I know you wish I hadn't brought his name in this letter.But not to
worry Appa, I understand that you got me married to Visu because you
thought it was best for your daughter. I still remember Amma wiping her
silent tears with her madisaar thalappu and you shouting at me the day I
told you about Sakthi. Later, when the initial shock wore off you patiently
listed umpteen reasons why I should not marry Sakthi. I agree Appa, that 20
is too young to decide, that Raji and Seenu would have been affected
greatly by my 'mistake', the Agrahaaram would have scoffed at you… a meat
eater was not a good match for someone who had never even tasted onion and
garlic. The reasons were innumerous. I knew you'd still have objected and
offered other reasons even if he had become a Dhigambara monk. Visu on the
other hand, wore a poonal, he is the son of Neelakanta Sastri, an Engineer
and he researched about computers which is what made you jump for this
alliance. Am not complaining Appa, Visu is a nice man.
Tell Amma that I could not try her kozhakkattai recipe this Pongal because
coconuts were too expensive and Avar nenacchar that it was ridiculous.
Anyway, we went out on Sankaranthi day and dined out. He thought it would
be a good idea to invite the Chatterjees also. But I didn't speak Bengali
and Mrs.Chatterjee spoke English in an accent that comes with living years
in America. Hence I made myself busy with the menu card. They ordered
various species of fish,shrimp and a lot more of items I had never seen in
my life. I ordered orange juice and a sandwich. The other diners thought it
was queer coming to a seafood restaurant and settling for a sandwich. That
day, I learnt that Avar prefer pannradhu beef, pork, bacon and seafood. Do
you know, Appa… Sakthi gave up meat because of me? I didn't ask, he just
did. But then, Sakthi is not Neelakanta Sastri's son and that made it
imposible for Subramania Iyer's daughter Kalyani to marry him.
I will keep you posted on what happens here. I don't think I can make it to
Seenu's Upanayanam. Tell Amma not to get me a pattu podavai for the poonal,
I don't use them here. I wore it once and felt like a clown here.
father’s compulsion married a Brahmin guy and leading a perfect life with
little happiness!!
(Some tamil words included)
Hi folks, here's my entry to the much talked about short story contest. The
story is not short though, I apologise!
When I thought of this story, I envisaged it and almost started writing
this in Tamil but only then did I realise that my written Tamil is not upto
the mark. ( Well, am not claiming my English is excellent, but it's
relatively better than my Tamil) In fact, even after I finished writing it,
I still felt the story belongs to Tamil!! Will mail it to my aunt and get
it reincarnated in Tamil.
Pssst, the most operative name in this story, I ripped from Thevar Magan
;)It somehow signified a lot to
me!
Dearest Appa,
27th Jan'1965
Hope this letter finds you, Amma, Raji and Seenu in good health. The
weather here in New York City is icy cold. But Avar sollraar- I have
missed this winter's biting cold. I still wish I had seen the snow… But
then, I still wish I had not left Trichy at all. I do miss Trichy, Appa.
You, Amma, Raji, Seenu, pakkatthaathu Rama, Vikatan, Ucchi Pillaiyaar Koil,
filter coffee, Holy Cross College, the Physics Department and of course
Sakthi. I know you wish I hadn't brought his name in this letter.But not to
worry Appa, I understand that you got me married to Visu because you
thought it was best for your daughter. I still remember Amma wiping her
silent tears with her madisaar thalappu and you shouting at me the day I
told you about Sakthi. Later, when the initial shock wore off you patiently
listed umpteen reasons why I should not marry Sakthi. I agree Appa, that 20
is too young to decide, that Raji and Seenu would have been affected
greatly by my 'mistake', the Agrahaaram would have scoffed at you… a meat
eater was not a good match for someone who had never even tasted onion and
garlic. The reasons were innumerous. I knew you'd still have objected and
offered other reasons even if he had become a Dhigambara monk. Visu on the
other hand, wore a poonal, he is the son of Neelakanta Sastri, an Engineer
and he researched about computers which is what made you jump for this
alliance. Am not complaining Appa, Visu is a nice man.
Tell Amma that I could not try her kozhakkattai recipe this Pongal because
coconuts were too expensive and Avar nenacchar that it was ridiculous.
Anyway, we went out on Sankaranthi day and dined out. He thought it would
be a good idea to invite the Chatterjees also. But I didn't speak Bengali
and Mrs.Chatterjee spoke English in an accent that comes with living years
in America. Hence I made myself busy with the menu card. They ordered
various species of fish,shrimp and a lot more of items I had never seen in
my life. I ordered orange juice and a sandwich. The other diners thought it
was queer coming to a seafood restaurant and settling for a sandwich. That
day, I learnt that Avar prefer pannradhu beef, pork, bacon and seafood. Do
you know, Appa… Sakthi gave up meat because of me? I didn't ask, he just
did. But then, Sakthi is not Neelakanta Sastri's son and that made it
imposible for Subramania Iyer's daughter Kalyani to marry him.
I will keep you posted on what happens here. I don't think I can make it to
Seenu's Upanayanam. Tell Amma not to get me a pattu podavai for the poonal,
I don't use them here. I wore it once and felt like a clown here.
Your loving daughter,
Kalyani.
Dearest Appa,
20th Oct'1968
We are fine here. Gautam is speaking his first words and I swear they
sounded like 'Dosai'. But Visu claims it's just gibberish. From your
previous letter, I gather that pakkathatthu Rama is married and settled in
Jamshedpur. Nice to know that. Please find out her address from Saarada
maami and write it to me. I want to keep in touch with her. I hope Raji is
happy with her husband in Madras. I spoke to her last month, great to know
that she has a phone. Do tell Seenu to study well and prepare for his
school final exams. Raji also told me that Sakthi is married now. I wish
him good luck, but I could not convey the message to him. Raji refused to
be the messenger and I know you have severed ties with Sakthi's father,
your long term friend Sankaravel, thanks to me. I hear his wife is his
cousin… He must have succumbed to his mother's wishes.
How did Avani Avittam go? Visu's mother gave me a bunch of new poonals for
Avani Avittam but Visu was in Boston that day. He wouldn't have used it
anyway, I haven't seen him wear one in the last three years. Gautam is now
playing with the spool of thread- mere thread it is, what else can I call
it? Gautam will not even know what it signifies, I guess. Visu is making
sure Gautam grows up listening to English only. He says it will make his
life easier. But I do read out passages from Ponniyin Selvan and
Bharathiyaar's poetry when I am alone with him. It's more of reading to
myself, I guess. I actually got that poetry book as a present from Sakthi,
it still has his scrawling signature in the first page.
By the way, Visu saw that book and asked me about Sakthi, I told him. Hold
your breath Appa, he didn't throw me out of the house. He is a good man, no
question. He said it is okay and that he doesn't mind. And then he told me
of his American girlfriend whom he was once in love with, when he first
reached America- Amy, a fellow Researcher who was in a brief relationship
with Visu when she was in New York. They lived together for 3 months and
decided against marriage, somehow. Amy once dropped home when she was in
New York. Nice lady, she was.
Ask Amma to send me Sambar Podi for this whole year. My friend Sudha is
coming to Madras next week. Ask Seenu to catch the Rockfort Express and
give it to her. I will collect it from her here.
Your loving daughter,
Kalyani.
Dearest Appa,
3rd June'1974
We have arrived here safely. After two months in India, I find it hard to
adjust back to normal life here. Gautam and Ranjana demand vadai,paayasam
and vaazhai ilai here. Visu's relieved to be back in America. I left a set
of my books there. If it's not in Trichy it must be in Visu's parents'
place. If you find them, safeguard them until my next trip. They mean a lot
to me since they were gifts from Sakthi. By the way, Appa, I found out
Sakthi's present address in Madras from Rama and Saarada maami. I wrote to
him. I am extremely proud to know that Dr.Sakthivel is a cardiologist much
in demand there in Madras. He was thrilled to hear from me after so long.
You know what he has named his daughters? Kalyani and Raagamaalika.
He called me. You know what, he's still a practising vegetarian, Appa. He
didn't revert back just because he lost me… He asked me if I still sang and
whether Gautam and Ranjana could sing. I could see a proud father in him,
when he claimed his daughters could sing upto Ra ra Venu Gopala. That's
when I remembered that I was once a good singer. I wonder why I stopped
singing, wonder why I never exposed the kids to Music and Dance. But then,
I realize that I had buried all that deep inside me when I left Trichy;
after bidding farewell to my best Rasika, actually. Sakthi. After the call,
I tried singing 'Kurai Onrum Illai'. I could not quite reach Charanam,
because of the lack of practice and more importantly because of the tears
that filmed my eyes and the constriction in my throat. I sang to Visu and
the kids one of these days. Though Gautam was impressed, father and
daughter could not just wait for me to finish!
By the way, next time some friend comes to India, send me a Sruthi Box. I
would like to start singing again.
Your loving daughter,
Kalyani.
Dearest Appa,
14th Aug 1978
Just back after our tour to California. Find our photos, picture postcards
attached herewith. After you are done with showing all family
members,relatives, friends and neighbours, pass them to Visu's parents. It
was a welcome break for the four of us. But I missed my paattu class
students all along and was happy to resume the classes again last evening.
Did I mention in my previous letter, before we left on the tour - I finally
got my driving license here. I sent a few photos to Sakthi too. He has sent
me quite a few records and cassettes. I loved it! I'm reminded of AIR,
almost! I'm circulating them among my friends too. And of course, playing
them for my students too. They are picking up beautifully. Funny news is,
I, a Tamilian, is teaching Telugu and Sanskrit kritis to a cross section of
Tamil, Malayalam, Kannada,Telugu, Marathi, Bengali students in an English
speaking nation.
The music sessions have resulted in a reborn Kalyani, Appa. Thanks to
Sakthi, really. I would have never taken it up had it not been for his
reminder. I am now thinking of what life would have been like if I had
indeed married him. I would have of course lost you and Amma. But right
now, with this life in America, Visu and these monthly letters to you,
Rama, Raji and Seenu what have i gained? I don't find an answer, Appa.
Neither do I think I ever will. Again, as I have always reiterated, Visu is
a good man, no complaints there. He is every bit the son in law you wanted.
Researcher, American Post Graduate Degree holder, a dutiful husband and
father,earning a comfortable income. I know it is too much to ask for
anything else. That is a fantasy I left midway in my life… Once upon a time
in Trichy with someone else.
Your loving daughter,
Kalyani.
Dearest Appa,
14th Apr'1984
Met Dr.Sakthivel after 19 years… He had come to New
York for business purposes and paid me a visit. Visu and the kids welcomed
him home with great pleasure. And they liked him too. In fact, they did
most of the talking initially. And of course, he got me a whole load of
books, cassettes, Mysore Paak and lots more.
Your loving daughter,
Kalyani.
Dearest Appa,
20th Jan' 1990
I just went through all these letters lying in my closet draw for years
together. These are letters I started writing to you and then decided not
to post. For obvious reasons. I could not mention Sakthi to you even though
I was itching to. Not because I was afraid to invite your wrath. I just did
not have the heart to hurt you, I know these letters would have hurt you.
Because deep inside, I know you were disturbed- you knew Sakthi was a good
man, you knew he was a man of substance, yet you didn't want to go further.
Society, I know. Family… I know… And all these letters would have only
wounded you more. Today, 2 years after your death, and 6 months after Dr.
Sakthivel's untimely death in a road accident, I somehow felt like
re-reading all these letters. To me, all these unstamped, unposted letters
mean a life that could have been.
Kalyani Viswanathan.
Kalyani.
Dearest Appa,
20th Oct'1968
We are fine here. Gautam is speaking his first words and I swear they
sounded like 'Dosai'. But Visu claims it's just gibberish. From your
previous letter, I gather that pakkathatthu Rama is married and settled in
Jamshedpur. Nice to know that. Please find out her address from Saarada
maami and write it to me. I want to keep in touch with her. I hope Raji is
happy with her husband in Madras. I spoke to her last month, great to know
that she has a phone. Do tell Seenu to study well and prepare for his
school final exams. Raji also told me that Sakthi is married now. I wish
him good luck, but I could not convey the message to him. Raji refused to
be the messenger and I know you have severed ties with Sakthi's father,
your long term friend Sankaravel, thanks to me. I hear his wife is his
cousin… He must have succumbed to his mother's wishes.
How did Avani Avittam go? Visu's mother gave me a bunch of new poonals for
Avani Avittam but Visu was in Boston that day. He wouldn't have used it
anyway, I haven't seen him wear one in the last three years. Gautam is now
playing with the spool of thread- mere thread it is, what else can I call
it? Gautam will not even know what it signifies, I guess. Visu is making
sure Gautam grows up listening to English only. He says it will make his
life easier. But I do read out passages from Ponniyin Selvan and
Bharathiyaar's poetry when I am alone with him. It's more of reading to
myself, I guess. I actually got that poetry book as a present from Sakthi,
it still has his scrawling signature in the first page.
By the way, Visu saw that book and asked me about Sakthi, I told him. Hold
your breath Appa, he didn't throw me out of the house. He is a good man, no
question. He said it is okay and that he doesn't mind. And then he told me
of his American girlfriend whom he was once in love with, when he first
reached America- Amy, a fellow Researcher who was in a brief relationship
with Visu when she was in New York. They lived together for 3 months and
decided against marriage, somehow. Amy once dropped home when she was in
New York. Nice lady, she was.
Ask Amma to send me Sambar Podi for this whole year. My friend Sudha is
coming to Madras next week. Ask Seenu to catch the Rockfort Express and
give it to her. I will collect it from her here.
Your loving daughter,
Kalyani.
Dearest Appa,
3rd June'1974
We have arrived here safely. After two months in India, I find it hard to
adjust back to normal life here. Gautam and Ranjana demand vadai,paayasam
and vaazhai ilai here. Visu's relieved to be back in America. I left a set
of my books there. If it's not in Trichy it must be in Visu's parents'
place. If you find them, safeguard them until my next trip. They mean a lot
to me since they were gifts from Sakthi. By the way, Appa, I found out
Sakthi's present address in Madras from Rama and Saarada maami. I wrote to
him. I am extremely proud to know that Dr.Sakthivel is a cardiologist much
in demand there in Madras. He was thrilled to hear from me after so long.
You know what he has named his daughters? Kalyani and Raagamaalika.
He called me. You know what, he's still a practising vegetarian, Appa. He
didn't revert back just because he lost me… He asked me if I still sang and
whether Gautam and Ranjana could sing. I could see a proud father in him,
when he claimed his daughters could sing upto Ra ra Venu Gopala. That's
when I remembered that I was once a good singer. I wonder why I stopped
singing, wonder why I never exposed the kids to Music and Dance. But then,
I realize that I had buried all that deep inside me when I left Trichy;
after bidding farewell to my best Rasika, actually. Sakthi. After the call,
I tried singing 'Kurai Onrum Illai'. I could not quite reach Charanam,
because of the lack of practice and more importantly because of the tears
that filmed my eyes and the constriction in my throat. I sang to Visu and
the kids one of these days. Though Gautam was impressed, father and
daughter could not just wait for me to finish!
By the way, next time some friend comes to India, send me a Sruthi Box. I
would like to start singing again.
Your loving daughter,
Kalyani.
Dearest Appa,
14th Aug 1978
Just back after our tour to California. Find our photos, picture postcards
attached herewith. After you are done with showing all family
members,relatives, friends and neighbours, pass them to Visu's parents. It
was a welcome break for the four of us. But I missed my paattu class
students all along and was happy to resume the classes again last evening.
Did I mention in my previous letter, before we left on the tour - I finally
got my driving license here. I sent a few photos to Sakthi too. He has sent
me quite a few records and cassettes. I loved it! I'm reminded of AIR,
almost! I'm circulating them among my friends too. And of course, playing
them for my students too. They are picking up beautifully. Funny news is,
I, a Tamilian, is teaching Telugu and Sanskrit kritis to a cross section of
Tamil, Malayalam, Kannada,Telugu, Marathi, Bengali students in an English
speaking nation.
The music sessions have resulted in a reborn Kalyani, Appa. Thanks to
Sakthi, really. I would have never taken it up had it not been for his
reminder. I am now thinking of what life would have been like if I had
indeed married him. I would have of course lost you and Amma. But right
now, with this life in America, Visu and these monthly letters to you,
Rama, Raji and Seenu what have i gained? I don't find an answer, Appa.
Neither do I think I ever will. Again, as I have always reiterated, Visu is
a good man, no complaints there. He is every bit the son in law you wanted.
Researcher, American Post Graduate Degree holder, a dutiful husband and
father,earning a comfortable income. I know it is too much to ask for
anything else. That is a fantasy I left midway in my life… Once upon a time
in Trichy with someone else.
Your loving daughter,
Kalyani.
Dearest Appa,
14th Apr'1984
Met Dr.Sakthivel after 19 years… He had come to New
York for business purposes and paid me a visit. Visu and the kids welcomed
him home with great pleasure. And they liked him too. In fact, they did
most of the talking initially. And of course, he got me a whole load of
books, cassettes, Mysore Paak and lots more.
Your loving daughter,
Kalyani.
Dearest Appa,
20th Jan' 1990
I just went through all these letters lying in my closet draw for years
together. These are letters I started writing to you and then decided not
to post. For obvious reasons. I could not mention Sakthi to you even though
I was itching to. Not because I was afraid to invite your wrath. I just did
not have the heart to hurt you, I know these letters would have hurt you.
Because deep inside, I know you were disturbed- you knew Sakthi was a good
man, you knew he was a man of substance, yet you didn't want to go further.
Society, I know. Family… I know… And all these letters would have only
wounded you more. Today, 2 years after your death, and 6 months after Dr.
Sakthivel's untimely death in a road accident, I somehow felt like
re-reading all these letters. To me, all these unstamped, unposted letters
mean a life that could have been.
Kalyani Viswanathan.
