Monday, August 27, 2012

A thought for a thought


To write with a broken pencil is . . . pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes . . . take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar . . . got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , . . . U.C.L.A. 

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes . . . was on shaky ground.

The batteries were given out . . . free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. .. . . They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a . . . dead giveaway.

If you don't pay your exorcist . . . you can get repossessed. 

With her marriage, she got a new name . .. . and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you . . . A-flat miner.

You are stuck with your debt if . . . you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia : . . . The LAN down under.

A boiled egg is . . . hard to beat. 

When you've seen one shopping center . . . you've seen a mall.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was . . .. resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? . . . He's all right now.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could . . . jog your memory.

A bicycle can't stand alone; . . .. it is two tired.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, . . . it's your Count that votes.

When a clock is hungry . . .. it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine . . . was fully recovered. 

He had a photographic memory . . . which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be . . . exposed in the end.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, . . . she thought she'd dye. 

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Sunday, August 05, 2012

Fishing Trip



A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to
fish at the crack of dawn. The wife liked to read. One morning the husband
returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap.

Although she wasn’t familiar with the lake, the wife decided to take the
boat out herself. She rowed out a short distance, anchored, and returned to
reading her book.

Along came the sheriff in his boat. He pulled up alongside
her and said: “Good morning Ma’am. What are you doing?”

“Reading my book,” she replied… as she thought to herself, “isn’t it
obvious?”

“You’re in a restricted fishing area,” he informed her.
“But officer, I’m not fishing, Can’t you see that?”, she said.
“Yes, but you have all the equipment. I’ll have to take you in and write you
up.” replied the sheriff.
“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with rape,” replied the
irate woman. “But I haven’t even touched you.” groused the sheriff.
“Yes, that’s true”, she replied, “but you do have all the equipment.”
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who knows how to read. It’s likely she can
also think . . .