A thought for a thought

To write with a broken pencil is . . . pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes . . . take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar . . . got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , . . . U.C.L.A. 

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes . . . was on shaky ground.

The batteries were given out . . . free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. .. . . They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a . . . dead giveaway.

If you don't pay your exorcist . . . you can get repossessed. 

With her marriage, she got a new name . .. . and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you . . . A-flat miner.

You are stuck with your debt if . . . you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia : . . . The LAN down under.

A boiled egg is . . . hard to beat. 

When you've seen one shopping center . . . you've seen a mall.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was . . .. resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? . . . He's all right now.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could . . . jog your memory.

A bicycle can't stand alone; . . .. it is two tired.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, . . . it's your Count that votes.

When a clock is hungry . . .. it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine . . . was fully recovered. 

He had a photographic memory . . . which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be . . . exposed in the end.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, . . . she thought she'd dye. 

Just a thought

Fishing Trip

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to

fish at the crack of dawn. The wife liked to read. One morning the husband

returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap.

Although she wasn’t familiar with the lake, the wife decided to take the

boat out herself. She rowed out a short distance, anchored, and returned to

reading her book.

Along came the sheriff in his boat. He pulled up alongside

her and said: “Good morning Ma’am. What are you doing?”

“Reading my book,” she replied… as she thought to herself, “isn’t it

obvious?”

“You’re in a restricted fishing area,” he informed her.

“But officer, I’m not fishing, Can’t you see that?”, she said.

“Yes, but you have all the equipment. I’ll have to take you in and write you

up.” replied the sheriff.

“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with rape,” replied the

irate woman. “But I haven’t even touched you.” groused the sheriff.

“Yes, that’s true”, she replied, “but you do have all the equipment.”

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who knows how to read. It’s likely she can

also think . . .

Trust

Self-Confidence

Are you the type of person who easily get influenced by negative advices? Follow this short self confidence lesson…

Rahul was called upon to recite in front of the class. He had hardly begun when the teacher interrupted with an emphatic, “No!” He started over and again the teacher thundered, “No!” Humiliated, Henry sat down.

The next boy rose to recite and had just begun when the teacher shouted, “No!” This student, however, kept on with the recitation until he completed it. As he sat down, the teacher replied, “Very good!”

Henry was irritated. ”I recited just as he did,” he complained to the teacher.

But the instructor replied, “It is not enough to know your lesson, you must be sure. When you allowed me to stop you, it meant that you were uncertain. If the world says, ‘No!’ it is your business to say, ‘Yes!’ and prove it.

The world will say, ‘No!’ in a thousand ways.

‘No! You can’t do that.’
‘No! You are wrong.’
‘No! You are too old.’
‘No! You are too young.’
‘No! You are too weak.’
‘No! It will never work.’
‘No! You don’t have the education.’
‘No! You don’t have the background.’
‘No! You don’t have the money.’
‘No! It can’t be done.’

And each ‘No!’ you hear has the potential to erode your confidence bit by bit until you quit all together.

Though the world says, ‘No!’ to you today, you should be determined to say, ‘Yes!’ and prove it! ”